Recently I saw Jurassic Park being shown on TV and it made me think: Would I be able to survive Jurassic Park? I mean, the kids survived it, so I should be able to right? Then I really got to thinking about it and came up with a couple of reasons why I, and yes you, would not be able to survive Jurassic Park.
T-Rex
The tiny arms are made up for by the ENORMOUS head
There’s not a person over the age of about nine that didn’t at one point or another love T-Rex. We were all raised thinking he was the biggest, baddest dinosaur ever. While the truth of that is up for debate, when it came to Jurassic Park, he was definitely the big man on campus. Now, while the tiny little arms he sports are cute, and probably won’t do a lot to cause you trouble, that gigantic head with those sharp teeth will definitely cause you problems.
Also, while T-Rex may not have been the fastest runner (estimates range from 11 mph to 45 mph), he was still much faster than the average human runner (roughly 6-8 mph). It’s fair to say, that T-Rex is a reason that we would not survive Jurassic Park.
Dilophosaurus
It's like a 1 ton spitting cobra
Ok, so we all know that Wayne Knight’s character Dennis Nedry got exactly what was coming to him in the movie. That being said, I think it’s fair to say that half ton spitting cobra dinosaur would present problems. While there is no scientific evidence to show that Dilophosaurus could spit as he did in the movie (Crichton admitted to creative license), we’re working off the assumption that we’re on Jurassic Park from the films, so let’s just roll with it.
Even without the blinding poison in the eyes, at roughly the height of an average human, Dilophosaurus was shown to be a capable killer and probably gave more than one child nightmares for quite some time. I know my luck, and these are the ones that would get me, so they’re one of the reasons we would not survive Jurassic Park.
Velociraptor
There are 12 Velociraptors in this photo.
Far and away the coolest dinosaur in the films. Watching their pack hunting ability gave everybody the willies, and they quickly established themselves as the ninjas of the movie. The claw shown by Dr. Grant in the beginning of the film made it amply clear that Velociraptor wouldn’t have any trouble turning any one of us into a snack.
As if razor claws, speed, and a pack mentality weren’t bad enough, we’d have to deal with the ability of Velociraptor to open doors. While it’s true that people have taught their dogs and cats to open doors, none of those weigh in at over a ton and sport teeth that look more like daggers.
So now you know why I think we wouldn’t survive Jurassic Park. Got another reason we’d be turned into Dino-Dinner? Let’s hear it.
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8 Comments
Correction on the Velociraptor:
They didn't weigh a ton, not even the super-sized ones in the movie. I'd put them at maybe — 250 pounds, about the gravity of a realistic average human male, or a chimp.
As for the non-fictionalized velociraptors — they were pretty small, around 50 pounds.
250lbs? velociraptors at 50? if a 5'10" man weights in at 180 lbs with a small muscle and fat body, pluss much small internal organs, minus the tale, over sized head, and feet. I would say that you are also way off on your estimation. I would rank them in the weight of a moose because of the size, tail adding the extra weight of the body the moose would show. Moose can weight into the excess of a Ton down to 800 Lbs for younger adults. These velociraptors are not small dogs or cats they are thick, strong, and athletic animals. Also a animal in the weight range of 50 Lbs with a 6" claw seems highly unlikely, a Bald Eagle IMO would have the best Claw to Weight ratio and have no where near 6" talons.
Honestly, velociraptors were scavengers, and were about the size of a turkey and covered in fine, fur-like feathers. Sure, not something I'd like to meet in some dark forest, but nothing like the movie versions. They really were not very large. The movie version is a lot closer to a much larger dromaeosaur, possibly a deinonychus. Of course, deinonychus and the other dromaeosaurs were also covered in downy feathers, but this movie is a bit out-dated… (Although it's one of my favourites and I have it memorized.) So all is forgiven.
The velociraptors in the movie were waaaay oversized. In reality, they were the size of a ordinary siberian husky.
The actual species called velociraptor is admittedlty about the size of a german sheperd.
However, in an odd case of life imitating art, a species of “raptor” was found AFTER Jurassic Park that was about the same size as the one in the movie, look up Utahraptor. (From wikipedia: They’ve found 24cm long samples of the big toe claws .)
On their weight: They are very closely related to birds, that includes ultra-light bones. I’d probably peg a utahraptor at 400-800 pounds. Remember, while Utahraptors were about 7m long, their bones are extremely light, and most of that 7m is tail.
On feathers: Yeah, turns out they were mostly feathers. Which really doesn’t help that they had toe claws almost a foot long.
On Velociraptor diet: Kinnery, you are dead wrong. One of the most famous fossils of the raptor class is a velociraptor and a protoceratops mid-fight. They were buried in a freak sandstorm, the raptor has one of it’s toe claws right at the base of the skull, in the process of cutting the spinal cord, and the protoceratops is in the process of biting one of the raptor’s arms.
So what are we saying here? A velociraptor could or couldn’t f**k your day up?!?
how would you wash the shoes from the automatic washer?
I must use the War Games method here. The only way to survive Jurassic Park is not to go there.