Why You Wouldn’t Survive Jurassic Park

Bizarre, Film

Recently I saw Jurassic Park being shown on TV and it made me think:  Would I be able to survive Jurassic Park?  I mean, the kids survived it, so I should be able to right?  Then I really got to thinking about it and came up with a couple of reasons why I, and yes you, would not be able to survive Jurassic Park.



The tiny arms are made up for by the ENORMOUS head

There’s not a person over the age of about nine that didn’t at one point or another love T-Rex.  We were all raised thinking he was the biggest, baddest dinosaur ever.  While the truth of that is up for debate, when it came to Jurassic Park, he was definitely the big man on campus.  Now, while the tiny little arms he sports are cute, and probably won’t do a lot to cause you trouble, that gigantic head with those sharp teeth will definitely cause you problems.

Also, while T-Rex may not have been the fastest runner (estimates range from 11 mph to 45 mph), he was still much faster than the average human runner (roughly 6-8 mph).  It’s fair to say, that T-Rex is a reason that we would not survive Jurassic Park.



It’s like a 1 ton spitting cobra

Ok, so we all know that Wayne Knight’s character Dennis Nedry got exactly what was coming to him in the movie.  That being said, I think it’s fair to say that half ton spitting cobra dinosaur would present problems.  While there is no scientific evidence to show that Dilophosaurus could spit as he did in the movie (Crichton admitted to creative license), we’re working off the assumption that we’re on Jurassic Park from the films, so let’s just roll with it.

Even without the blinding poison in the eyes, at roughly the height of an average human, Dilophosaurus was shown to be a capable killer and probably gave more than one child nightmares for quite some time.  I know my luck, and these are the ones that would get me, so they’re one of the reasons we would not survive Jurassic Park.


There are 12 raptors in this picture

There are 12 Velociraptors in this photo.

Far and away the coolest dinosaur in the films.  Watching their pack hunting ability gave everybody the willies, and they quickly established themselves as the ninjas of the movie.  The claw shown by Dr. Grant in the beginning of the film made it amply clear that Velociraptor wouldn’t have any trouble turning any one of us into a snack.

As if razor claws, speed, and a pack mentality weren’t bad enough, we’d have to deal with the ability of Velociraptor to open doors.  While it’s true that people have taught their dogs and cats to open doors, none of those weigh in at over a ton and sport teeth that look more like daggers.

So now you know why I think we wouldn’t survive Jurassic Park.  Got another reason we’d be turned into Dino-Dinner?  Let’s hear it.


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