Crowdfunding. Sounds amazing, doesn’t it? You get online, write an eloquent blog post about why your brand really, really needs this money you guys, rake it in and stick it to the man. Of course, it doesn’t always work like that. For every story about the little brand that could, there are thousands more about the little brand that raised $15 in 64 days and became the laughing stock of Kickstarter. We’re going to focus on the latter; because, you know, it’s more fun that way.
Animal Collective’s Deakin Doesn’t Understand Deadlines
When people give you money for a product, they usually expect something in return. Deakin took all this onboard, nodded like he understood it, then promptly gave his funders the finger. In 2009 the tortured artist took to Kickstarter, asking fans to fund his new charity trip to Mali. In return, they’d get a book, photographs and a newly-recorded CD. Fast forward to 2012 and nobody who coughed up the dough for Deakin’s vacation has seen a single goddamn thing. Deakin’s excuse? It’s like, really, really hard recording an album… maybe next year? What an asshat.
Brett Uren Fails Big Time
Who the hell is Brett Uren, you might be asking. Well, hold the hypothetical interruptions and I’ll tell you: Brett is the creator of comic series Kuzimu. The reason you haven’t heard of that either is because no-one has. Earlier this year, Brett put up a call for funding on Indiegogo; with the intention of making New York Comic Con and dazzling all the assembled dignitaries with his unique blend of pictures and words on a page. After a heartfelt appeal to his fans, Brett sat back to wait for the cash to roll in; and was still waiting as NYCC sailed past without him. From a target of $1,7500, Brett raised $500; $499 of which doubtless came from his mother.
No One Wants Your Hipster T-Shirts
Everyone loves hating on hipsters. So here we go: the Individuality Protest is the brainchild of a bunch of Brighton-based renegades who want to “inspire people to believe in themselves” through the power of t-shirts. Yes, t-shirts. By pledging a mere £27, you too can receive a totally unique t-shirt; because there’s no way anyone else has ever though to offer this service before. The project is ongoing, so if you want to help these hip-young individuals raise £2,700 to make a few tye-dye shirts, by all means pledge your hard-earned money now.
Apparently, Idiots Love Rainbows
Jessi Arrington deserves your contempt, but also a fair amount of respect. This human embodiment of everything twee and cutesy decided she wanted a marching band for her birthday; and nothing, not even being the most irritating person alive, was going to stop her. So she took to Kickstarter to raise the funds and… well, raised them. People looked in their wallets, saw the extra bills floating around and evidently decided ‘I’m far too rich, better spoil some brat I’ve never met’. Not only did she make her target, she more than doubled it. All this while being the nearest human-equivalent to a goddamn Care Bear.
And finally, Some Irony
After that car-crash of losers, egomaniacs and inexplicably-successful idiots; we thought we’d leave you on a lighter note. Last summer, Glenn Fleishman decided to crowdsource funding for his new book: ‘Crowdfunding: a Guide to What Works and Why’. In a twist that only someone who has never heard of ‘irony’ could fail to see coming, the project bombed spectacularly. Fleishman raised $3,800 of $35,000, while blowing his own project completely out the water. Kind of makes you smile, don’t it?
These crowdfunding conundrums were compiled by the folks at PrinterInks.com.