Twilight Tattoos

No, I’m not kidding.  This post is about tattoos that are Twilight-related.   You know Twilight?  The series?  By Stephanie Meyer?  About the girl that has the vampire boyfriend but also a werewolf friend and they’re both, like, super in love with her, even though she’s kinda clumsy and stuttery?  Some people LOVE those books and movies.  And now, with the first part of the last book coming out in theaters (what’s up, Let’s-Copy-Harry-Potter-And-Drag-This-Nonsense-Out-As-Long-As-Possible) November 18, 2011, lots of people are already talking about it.  And I figured since people get literary tattoos and Harry Potter tattoos, some enormous geeks out there may have gotten Twilight tattoos.  Mama Internetz, she didn’t disappoint.  Feast your eyes.

 The Twilight Quotes

See?  This is how they get you.  If you didn’t know it was a Twilight tattoo, you may just think that someone is diligent about personal safety.  Or that they misquoted E.T.  But no, if you know, you know Edward said this to Bella before he and his whole family packed up and left Forks, and he left her in the woods and she was so devastated she fell down on the ground and didn’t get up until she got rescued by a big wolf.  It’s lame that she didn’t get up and walk her silly ass back to her house.  It’s even lamer that I know this part of the story.

This is why everyone thinks Edward’s so damn romantic.  See, he can’t dream because he doesn’t sleep because he’s a VAMPIRE, and therefore dead.  And the dead?  They don’t sleep.  Or, they do.  Whatever.

So Edward says this to Bella, and this chick gets it tattooed on her chest.  More like “look after my common sense, I left it on page 95 of Eclipse.”

More Edward quotes.  I get it – every girl wants to be worshiped and adored, and if it can happen to Bella, it can happen to anybody, right?  And, vampires and shape-shifters are real.

Um.  If you’re going to get an angst-ridden New Moon Bella quote about how worthless life is without Edward tattooed on you, at least make sure it’s tattooed LEGIBLY.  Sheesh.

Quotes Redux – That Lion and Lamb Rubbish

In what was probably the cheesiest line from the first book, Twilight, Edward says something about “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb” and Bella says something about “stupid lamb” and blah blah blah and then they put that part in the first movie and it was every bit as cheesy, but practically everyone without a Y chromosome just about lost their minds.  Here’s the clip from the movie, in case you haven’t seen it and/or want to lose your mind.

So this spawned a slew of tattoos.

Apple.  The apple was on the cover of the first book.  That apple?  Didn’t look like this apple.

For those who like to cite sources for their quote tattoos.  And put the images from the covers of each book on themselves.  Busy.

Stupid tattoo.  I’m sorry.  It’s not well done and the lettering looks all sloppy.  Whatever.  Enjoy having that on your arms (both of them) for the rest of your life.

Stylistically, this is much better.  And more subtle.  In fact, in twenty years or so, she could say it was a reference to something else.  Like C.S. Lewis and William Blake, or something.

Grr.

You’d endure the pain of a rib tattoo for that?  Love the font.  Wish you’d picked something classier to quote on yourself.

Jacob Tattoos

For those who are Team Jacob, here are a (very) few tattoos.

At least somebody likes the poor guy.  See, Bella has this friend Jacob who really stood by her in tough times but Bella always loved Edward and then in the last book something totally weird happens that makes you understand why Jacob is so attracted to Bella, but it’s not because of Bella’s.  It’s because of (SPOILER ALERT) Bella’s half-vampire child who Jacob “imprints” on meaning he’s supposed to be with her, *ahem, * romantically someday even thought the kid is just a baby but she ages really fast so it’s kind of OK in a creepy, awkward way.

And that’s what happens when you imprint.  Or something.

Not bad, actually.  This is the Quileute (Jacob’s tribe) tattoo for when someone gains the ability to be a wolf.  Supposedly it’s a real symbol, and the Quileutes are a real tribe of Native American people in the Pacific Northwest, so this, eventually, will lose a little of its lameness.

Twilight Symbols

There is a different symbol on the cover of each book.  Plus, the Cullen family has a crest.  So there is no shortage of symbols related to Twilight to impulsively get tattooed on yourself.

Cullen family crest and she’s labeled herself as a “twilighter.”  For good measure, she had “Edward & Bella” tattooed on her back as well.  Just in case someone might mistake her for Team Jacob, I suppose.

Yep.  That’s a Twilight Tramp Stamp, alright.

You can make the photograph as artsy as you want, but that doesn’t change the fact you have a Cullen family crest tattooed on your leg.

Remember earlier in that clip when Edward said that Bella’s blood was his “own personal brand of heroin?”  That’s called la tua cantante in the Stephanie Meyer world.  Technically, Bella’s blood isn’t like heroin, because vampires need blood to live and humans don’t need heroin to live, but whatevs.

Realistic copy of the vampire bite Bella sustained at the end of the first book.  Yawn.

oh no he didn’t

All the symbols!

There are more logo and symbol tattoos out there, but I have to save room to show you the best – the portraits.

Twilight Portrait Tattoos

Oh.  Em.  Gee.

This is some sort of horrible Twilight – Zoolander tattoo mash up.

Edward + Mullet = Forever on Your Back, Lady.

It’s what fifty four year old dudes do.

This lady used to be super fat.  Her friend gave her the movie Twilight to cheer her up so that maybe she wouldn’t eat so much anymore.  The lady looovved it and bought all the books and movies and proceeded to lose 14 dress sizes.    As she continued to lose weight, she continued to get more work done.

She’s not stopping.  She wants to lose even more weight, and get full sleeves, plus a portrait of Edward on her soon-to-be newly toned abs.

And I have nothing at all to say about that.  And, if any of you are thinking that I’m unqualified to make fun of any of these people because I clearly know too much about the plot and everything to you I say this.  I am a journalist.  A very, very professional, very, very thorough journalist.

*with a penchant for crappy fantasy fiction.