Micheal Myers Is Such a Complicated Guy

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Of all the Halloween movies out there, Halloween is maybe the best.  The first one (1978), that is.  The second one is pretty good too.  The third one  had nothing at all to do with Michael Myers, who is the big bad reason that the Halloween movies are so great.  The fourth and fifth movies, along with the sixth, try to clear up the mythology while straying as far as possible from the first movie, and the seventh and eighth movies pretend that the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth movie never happened.  If that wasn’t confusing enough, Rob Zombie decided to go ahead and remake the original in 2007, putting his own ideas behind Michael’s character and why he is the way he is, and then in 2009 made a sequel to HIS remake, which closely resembles the FIRST Halloween II, but is all Rob Zombied up.

Confused yet?  To top it all off, Michael Myers himself is such a complicated guy.  Even if you combine all of the back stories and all of the mythologies established in all the movies to create sort of a general profile of the character, you’re still left with a lot of questions.  So, given that the dude is pure evil (as Dr. Loomis tells us over and over again), what things are “normal” for Michael to do, and what things are hard to explain?

The Normal Things

He Stabs People, Like, A Lot

MichaelMyers with knife

He doesn’t only stab people.  He strangles them, impales them, kills them with a hammer claw to the head, boils them in hot water, kills them with syringes, drains out all their blood, sticks his thumb in their brain, STABS PEOPLE WITH SHOTGUNS, breaks their neck, and uses other tools like sickles, farm equipment, axes, garden tools, corkscrews, camera tripods, and basically whatever is on hand that he can kill people with.  Since he’s pure evil, it’s understandable that he would do these things.

He Is Basically Invincible

on fire

If you’re the embodiment of true evil, you’re probably pretty hard to kill, right?  So, being shot eleven times, set on fire, shot some more, and you still get up and put your jumpsuit on and go about killing people.  All in a day’s work, right?

And if you’re virtually indestructible, that probably means that you’re inhumanly strong, so carrying your sister’s gravestone to place creepily in your old house, lowering yourself down slowly from a pipe using only one arm, and other such feats of strength are also par for the course.

But there are some things that don’t make sense about Michael Myers.

He’s Compassionate?

In Halloween (1978) Dr. Loomis is traveling to the mental hospital where Michael has been admitted for years, only to find out that Michael has escaped and released all the other patients at the same time.  Is it compassion, or merely a strategical move?  Either way, plenty of people are let out of the loony bin into the cold October rain because of Michael.

Halloween 003

We’re assuming that there are plenty more.

He Has a Sense of Humor?

After killing the bespeckled Bob, prior to murdering Bob’s girlfriend Lynda, Michael takes the time to don a bedsheet ala Casper the Friendly Ghost and put Bob’s glasses over top of it, so that Lynda doesn’t immediately know that Bob is dead and that this dude is about to strangle her with the phone cord.  Cheeky, no?

Bob Fakeout

Guess even pure evil needs to have a laugh every now and again.

He Can Drive?

This is the most confounding part of the whole Michael Myers mythology.  It was so much of a sticking point, in fact, that Rob Zombie changed this fact in his remake.  Why, in the name of all that is decent and holy, would anybody employed at a high-security mental facility teach an inmate who had been locked away, silent, and on Thorazine since he was six years old, how to drive?

Stealing a Car

Sure enough, however, in the first movie Michael steals a car, manages to find some clothes somewhere and then proceeds to drive all around Haddonfield until it gets dark and he can commence the killing.  He doesn’t drive like someone who had never driven before, so are driving skills included in the Embodiment of Pure Evil package, or in 1978 did people assume that everybody could drive?

Just some food for thought.

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