Bizarre / Fail / Humor

Inappropriate Children’s Toys

So I’ll be the first to admit that things have changed a lot since I was a small child, but at the end of the day, some things are just inappropriate for any child, especially a small one.  Here are some good examples of toys that you probably shouldn’t let your child have in their play room.  Some are intentionally inappropriate, some just have bad placement of key components of the product.

Newborn Jager

Ok, so this is probably more a gag-gift for the parents, but still – a stuffed bottle of Jager as a present for a newborn is a bit inappropriate whether the kid knows what it is or not.

9-11 Toy

Yes this one was recalled, but the fact that somebody in a marketing department didn’t raise issue with this is a bit sad.  In what world would anybody think this was a good idea?

Hot Wheels Models

Ok, so they’re not exactly children’s toys, but having girls that look like that dressed up like that while marketing for Hot Wheels does send a bit of a bad message.  I’d understand if this was for NASCAR or some other racing related event, but at the end of the day, Hot Wheels are for kids.

Packaging Fail

This falls under the heading of unintentionally inappropriate.  Small plastic dinosaurs are great for children of the correct age, but the manner in which these were packaged is a bit less appropriate.

Pee n Poo

Sure, everyone poops, but really?  Really.

Phallic Pooh

I have yet to meet the small child that doesn’t like Winnie the Pooh.  This is one of those toys that a child will find years later as an adult and wonder what their parents were thinking in giving it to them.  I’m wondering that too.

Phallic Sled

A child is supposed to sit on this and wraps their hands around the….shaft.

Phallic Unicorn

I understand that little girls like unicorns, but if you’re going to make them a stuffed toy, the horn still HAS to come to a point of some kind.  It cannot be rounded at the top.  It just can’t.

Pole Dance

There is failure on so many levels here that I don’t even know where to begin.

Shave the Baby

Never minding the wildly inappropriate amounts of hair that this toy has…why does a child need to know how to shave?  I wonder how many kids are going to go after their newborn baby brother or sister with a straight razor because of this toy.  Hopefully none.

Stuffed Guts

I liked playing Operation as a kid too, but at an age appropriate time.  This is stuffed, which implies it’s for smaller children.  That’s a bit…visceral for a toddler in my opinion.

Stuffed STD

I really hope this is a joke, but I’m worried that it’s not.

Tattoo Gun

I know that the kids in the picture are a bit older, but they’re still kids.  What parent thinks this is a good idea?

T-Rex Slide

Unintentionally inappropriate.  Again, didn’t somebody, somewhere during the design phase of this inflatable slide raise their hand and point out how this would look?

Twisted Batman

Poor Batman

Water Wiennie

I think the name of this toy pretty much says it all.

Wolverine

They really couldn’t find a slightly more appropriate spot to place the thing you use to inflate this toy?  I find that hard to believe.  You’d thing Marvel at the very least would have said something.  You have failed me Stan Lee.

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17 Comments

  1. The herpes and misc germ stuffed toys arent marketed as kids toys. They are just supposed to be funny gifts. I thought they were funny myself. I forget the company and website though

  2. heh. visceral. it’s funny because…

  3. The stuffed microbes are from ThinkGeek. They’re adorable, and great for medical students. They’re awesome and not really meant for kids. They’re totally awesome.

  4. The top one, the crochet toast and bottle is not for kids either, you’ve made the usual mistake of thinking if it’s stuffed like a soft toy, it’s intended for children, which is not always the case. A look at Etsy or any other handmade site will reveal a world of “inappropriate” things for kids, all of which are intended for adults.

    • We did mention, "Ok, so this is probably more a gag-gift for the parents, but still – a stuffed bottle of Jager as a present for a newborn is a bit inappropriate whether the kid knows what it is or not." So, we assume correctly that is wasn't a children's toy. thanks for the additional information.

  5. Oops, forgot to mention: The unicorn isn’t a kids toy either. You can tell by the nonaccidental placement of balls.

  6. Children are innocent until influenced by minds that see perversion everywhere.

    Take a Xanax and then GET A LIFE.

  7. Not only does the unicorn have a a penis and balls on its face,
    It also has some where it should be. And the tag says"Peni-Pals"
    With more animals with penises on their face.
    How can you think it's a kids toy?

  8. Some very strange looking toys there. Although it's been said that they aren't all aimed at kids, they are still quite amusing. The X-Men inflatable is rather disturbing though!

  9. Peni-pals (the unicorn) is a joke from a form on Newgrounds…

  10. jona spock says:

    what you got against tattoo artist.

  11. Leapfrog Learning says:

    Awesome post, I’ve got two kids myself, and they love playing with toys.