Philip Haynes Markoff, also known as the “Craigslist Killer” seemed to have everything going for him. He had nice parents, a great fiance, a great academic career, and was in school to become a doctor. Unfortunately, something was lacking for Phil, so he started soliciting sexy services off Craigslist and robbing the sexy-service providers. He killed one of them, an exotic masseuse named Julissa Brisman. He’s recently committed suicide. In case you’re worried that you might be the next Craiglist Killer, or that one of your kids might grow up to be the next Craigslist Killer, there are three simple rules you should follow:
Rule 1: Don’t be a horn dog. You’ve got a fiance and a nice life. Don’t hire sexy service professionals.
Rule 2: If you absolutely must hire sexy service professionals, don’t kill them. Don’t rob them, either.
Rule 3: Stay off of Craigslist unless you’re selling a TV or trying to get someone to help you move. Don’t go on there to find an exotic massage or a lap dance. They have places for that. Dumbass.
**here at DBS, we strive to make light of all types of news, not only news having to do with the in-jail suicide of a degenerate killer. What, do you think we’re insensitive or something? Toughen up, Nancy.